WOMEN'S CORNER
Updated May 24, 2009
-My husband says he'll leave me if I don't stop shopping. Lord I'll miss that man.
-Dull women have immaculate homes.
-If we can put a man on the moon, how come we can't put them all there?
-There is nothing better than a good friend - except a good friend with chocolate.
-It takes a long time to grow a good friend.
-Never trust a doctor whose office plants are deceased.
-The more I learn about men, the more I love my car.
-Hang on to your husbands; they may come back into fashion.
-I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food.
-I would give up chocolate - but I'm no quitter.
-I never repeat gossip - so listen carefully.
-Nobody notices what I do - until I don't do it.
-Born free, now I'm expensive.
-Tact is the art of making people feel at home - even when you wish they were!
-Tact - putting it nicely but not quite precisely.
Navajo Wisdom
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona
when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo
woman if she would like a ride.
With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a
brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for
my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet
wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade"
The two-edged diet
A
woman tore out a magazine picture of a skinny swimsuit model and taped it to the
refrigerator door to inspire her weight loss.
And it worked! After 2 weeks she lost 10 lbs! The husband, however, gained 15.
AUNT CAROL
Aunt Carol was a pilot...
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am," my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol.
Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory
and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands
and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife,
'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher,
"What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"
"Stay away from Aunt Carol when she's been drinking."
CONSIDERATIONS
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander -it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men -most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.LOTTERY WINNER
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, jumped out of her car and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs: "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack - beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
HOUSEWORK
Housework is a woman's job, but one evening, Stella arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that Wally had read an article that said: "Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex." The night went very well.. The next day, she told her golfing friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Wally even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening." "But what about afterward?" asked her friends. "Oh that! Wally was too tired."